Conditional Love?...
In marriage, I'm finding that sometimes it is hard for me to be "un-selfish". I want things my way a lot of the time, and my husband puts up with it.
...have you ever read the book "The 5 Love Languages"?...muy bueno! (You should read it if you are in a marriage, about to be married, or single. I would not suggest it if you are just casually dating or if you are dating more seriously but not going towards marriage right now. The reason being because of the "physical touch" one.) The book talks about the different ways that we as individuals like to recieve love and to give love. The 5 languages are Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, and Acts of Service. Usually, the gift that you like to receive is the one that you are natural to give to your spouse.
Well...I must be some language mutant!!!!!!! The language I understand is not the one I speak.
Why do I live in the tower of babble in love languages???
I am quick to receive gifts, physical touch, and quality time. (and physical touch is not always sexual...it can be a mere shoulder rub) But I am AWFULL at speaking his needed languages. My poor husband!
...so, is LOVE CONDITIONAL on these things???? Can one continue to feel loved by their spouse (or soon to be spouse) if they are not receiving the things that they "need"? Can my husband still feel loved by me if I fail in showering him in the love language that he speaks?
Oh ye people that have been married longer than me...help help help!!!
...am I being a selfish brat???? Probably.
...have you ever read the book "The 5 Love Languages"?...muy bueno! (You should read it if you are in a marriage, about to be married, or single. I would not suggest it if you are just casually dating or if you are dating more seriously but not going towards marriage right now. The reason being because of the "physical touch" one.) The book talks about the different ways that we as individuals like to recieve love and to give love. The 5 languages are Physical Touch, Words of Affirmation, Quality Time, Gifts, and Acts of Service. Usually, the gift that you like to receive is the one that you are natural to give to your spouse.
Well...I must be some language mutant!!!!!!! The language I understand is not the one I speak.
Why do I live in the tower of babble in love languages???
I am quick to receive gifts, physical touch, and quality time. (and physical touch is not always sexual...it can be a mere shoulder rub) But I am AWFULL at speaking his needed languages. My poor husband!
...so, is LOVE CONDITIONAL on these things???? Can one continue to feel loved by their spouse (or soon to be spouse) if they are not receiving the things that they "need"? Can my husband still feel loved by me if I fail in showering him in the love language that he speaks?
Oh ye people that have been married longer than me...help help help!!!
...am I being a selfish brat???? Probably.
posted by Shelli at
12:00 PM
8 Comments:
Shells, the last one is Acts of Service.....
Yes he can!!! Great book though I have never read it ;) One of the great lessons the book teaches is one I think many miss and that is ALL five are love languages. Many times we prefer to be communicated in one of the five that is natural for us, but we need to learn that when our spouse communicates to us in one of the others they are still communicating their love!!! Shelli all he has to do is read your blog to see you love him and whatever one you are speaking he can learn to hear it!!! And it would not surprise me if he already does..
He needs to learn to speak the love language YOU speak and when he hears it he needs to realize it is you communicating YOUR love for him in the very way God created you to communicate it!!! WOW God rules!!
You can learn to speak the language or language that come natural for him!! You need to become bilingual, actually seislingual!! All 5 should be something we LEARN to speak.. One or two may come natural but the others can be learned!!
You were created for him and he was created for you!!! Just how the two of you are!! It will only get better ;) as you become more like Him… Jesus after all spoke all 5..
Ohhh and conditionally love implies when the condition is not there the love is gone!! Who wants conditional love!?!?!? I want mind blowing unconditional love!! That does not rely on one person showering the other with “what they need” it is something deeper then that… you know what I am talking about for you have seen a glimpse of it!!
4Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. 5It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. 6Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. 7It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
That is unconditional love! And we have no promise of it outside of Christ but God is amazing and for some of us He chooses to allow someone else to come into our life and through them we get a glimpse of that unconditional love that comes from Him.. That person was created to do that very thing!! The two of you were created to express that love to each other.. God knows what he is doing!!
Ohhh and I talk to much so forgive me ;)
geek4god...you are going to be a great Husband to a very lucky girl someday!
ps...Sarah...I edited the post. Thanks for the reminder.
Shelli,
i love your blog and your honesty. you are WAY cool! ;)
Shelli,
I'm not exactly sure I understand your question, but I think of course your husband can receive love from you in other ways that his primary love language. But in interest of a better relationship and a stronger marriage, wouldn't you just want to get better at showing him love in his primary language? You'll never be perfect at it, but he'll sure appreciate the effort.
I just feel like I fail BIG time in serving him in his language...where as he is really good about taking care of me. I sometimes just feel like I'm doing a poor job at being a wife.
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