Struggles from a Christian wanna be...
To quote my grandma "Oh dear"...
So listen, I'm not good at reading the bible or praying or seeking wisdom from God or anything like that. I just thought I'd throw that out there to start this whole thing off. In fact, I have a REALLY REALLY hard time reading the bible. Maybe this is because of my Adult A.D.D...which has never ever been diagnosed, but if you are a friend of mine, or have ever spent just a little length of time with me, you'll probably go "Ah ha! That totally makes sense...thats why she is the way she is. The girl just can't concentrate!"
Truth be told, I just can't get "into" the word. And I mean this in the most shallow way possible. I'm the type of person that MUST be entertained at all times of the day in order for me to fully grasp the task at hand and be succeful in understanding it. If I'm working away at things for work, I MUST HAVE MUSIC! If I'm doing manual labor...I will always be that girl who is more mesmerized by the way the hammer is crafted and designed than doing the work necassary. If I am going to study Gods word...I've got to do it in small doses in order for me to "get it".
The way that our bible studies are set up with the Grove (thats my church) is that we will read scripture...observe it...pull out the obvious points...find out what the point was...and move to the next verse. I GET LOST ON STEP ONE!!!!!!!!!! I'm so horrible at this. I will read about 5 words, then stop reading and start listening. I'm also not one to dive in and find all these super cool relationships between versus...and I'm CERTAINLY not the one to quote some awesome Christian author or anything. (because I can't STAND TO READ!)
I really wish that I could be the type of person to read my bible everyday, find deep spiritual meaning in it, and encourage others along the way with my"SUPER ON FIRE FOR CHRIST ATTITUDE!"...but...I'm not.
Am I nothing but a Christian Wanna be, just coasting along the "highway to heaven"? Aren't we told that if you're luke warm, you are nothing? (hey...wait a minute...I believe I just quazi-quoted the bible) I mean really...when did the longing to dive in to the word and Christian music leave? I wasn't aware of this departure. It just snuck up on me. One day I was listening to a Christian radio station, and the next day...well, ok I'm still kind of a nerd in this area...but you catch my drift...right?
...does anyone else out there feel this way?...So, is this just a phase?
To quote my grandma "Oh dear"...
So listen, I'm not good at reading the bible or praying or seeking wisdom from God or anything like that. I just thought I'd throw that out there to start this whole thing off. In fact, I have a REALLY REALLY hard time reading the bible. Maybe this is because of my Adult A.D.D...which has never ever been diagnosed, but if you are a friend of mine, or have ever spent just a little length of time with me, you'll probably go "Ah ha! That totally makes sense...thats why she is the way she is. The girl just can't concentrate!"
Truth be told, I just can't get "into" the word. And I mean this in the most shallow way possible. I'm the type of person that MUST be entertained at all times of the day in order for me to fully grasp the task at hand and be succeful in understanding it. If I'm working away at things for work, I MUST HAVE MUSIC! If I'm doing manual labor...I will always be that girl who is more mesmerized by the way the hammer is crafted and designed than doing the work necassary. If I am going to study Gods word...I've got to do it in small doses in order for me to "get it".
The way that our bible studies are set up with the Grove (thats my church) is that we will read scripture...observe it...pull out the obvious points...find out what the point was...and move to the next verse. I GET LOST ON STEP ONE!!!!!!!!!! I'm so horrible at this. I will read about 5 words, then stop reading and start listening. I'm also not one to dive in and find all these super cool relationships between versus...and I'm CERTAINLY not the one to quote some awesome Christian author or anything. (because I can't STAND TO READ!)
I really wish that I could be the type of person to read my bible everyday, find deep spiritual meaning in it, and encourage others along the way with my"SUPER ON FIRE FOR CHRIST ATTITUDE!"...but...I'm not.
Am I nothing but a Christian Wanna be, just coasting along the "highway to heaven"? Aren't we told that if you're luke warm, you are nothing? (hey...wait a minute...I believe I just quazi-quoted the bible) I mean really...when did the longing to dive in to the word and Christian music leave? I wasn't aware of this departure. It just snuck up on me. One day I was listening to a Christian radio station, and the next day...well, ok I'm still kind of a nerd in this area...but you catch my drift...right?
...does anyone else out there feel this way?...So, is this just a phase?
posted by Shelli at
3:32 PM
2 Comments:
oh, shelli. i feel that way all the time. i had grand plans to get a cd version of the bible and listen to it on my way to and from work every day, but it hasn't happened yet. i think the hardest thing is that i was so disciplined in college and the first few years after graduation. daily reading and meditation on the word, my junior year, my bible study and i read and studied the entire old testament.
my only word of advice is what i keep coming back to myself: throw yourself on the incredible mercy of God. pray for discipline and He'll show you ways to do so.
You know what I think? I think admitting this stuff means that you are actually MATURING as a Christian. I stopped pretending to be Miss Quiet Time and just started being myself with God. I am a lot happier.
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